i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
You left your underwear on the fireplace
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
