So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
