She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
