I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
