You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
