btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
it's like iHOP with fire
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
