Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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