Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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