No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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