I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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