It's like a parade of train wrecks.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
