i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
