Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
