apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
