omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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