Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
