I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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