i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Randomize
