I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
