I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
