Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
party gras won. party gras always wins.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
