on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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