Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
