why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
we're so committed to being not committed
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
