I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
