He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
