Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
