is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Randomize
