I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
