i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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