drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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