butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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