we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
