How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
