dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Randomize
