do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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