Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Randomize
