I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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