I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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