watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
