when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I just had sex on a roof
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
