someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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