You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
