how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Randomize
