You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
