so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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