Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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