Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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