let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
