Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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