Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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